The Snow Creature

From the father/son director/writer team who gave you KILLERS FROM SPACE, PHANTOM FROM SPACE, and MANFISH comes THE SNOW CREATURE. And because you’ve seen those other films by W. Lee Wilder and Myles Wilder — the great Billy Wilder’s brother and nephew, respectively — you know to stay the hell out of THE SNOW CREATURE’s way. Its only claim to fame is that it is the first American science fiction movie about the Abominable Snowman. It also holds the distinction of being the first American science fiction movie with an actor (reportedly Lock “Gort” Martin) inside a cheap-looking Abominable Snowman suit.

Probably the only Abominable Snowman (hell, I’m calling it a Yeti from here on — less typing) movie partially set in Southern California, THE SNOW CREATURE stars Paul Langton (patriarch of the Harrington family on PEYTON PLACE) as a scientist in charge of an expedition into the Himalayas. He scoffs when his Sherpa guide Teru Shimada (YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE) tells him Shimada’s wife has been kidnapped by a Yeti, so Shimada kidnaps the whole party at gunpoint and forces them to search for his wife. Of course, they find a whole family of them, but only one survives (see the title) to be taken KING KONG-style back to Los Angeles.

Here the movie bogs down (as if it hadn’t already) in an inexplicable subplot about governmental red tape as Customs and Immigration argue whether a frozen Yeti is cargo or a person. Nobody is interested in this — it’s hard to believe the Wilders did — and it would be a huge relief when the Yeti inevitably escapes to wreak havoc in L.A., except the Yeti scenes are so cheap and boring. The creature is tall, but too slight of build to raise fear on its own, and W. Lee uses the same dull shot of it walking out of the dark toward the camera many times, even in reverse.

Oddly, climactic scenes of policemen (including FIVE’s William Phipps) chasing the creature through Los Angeles’ storm drains bring to mind THEM!, another 1954 release. Langton, who provides narration throughout, is a dull leading man, as if a more exciting one would have saved this movie. United Artists gave it a theatrical release.

The Frozen Dead

I don’t know if Herbert J. Leder is the only filmmaker to write, produce, and direct a Warner Brothers double bill, but I feel safe saying he is the worst. Both THE FROZEN DEAD and IT, a killer Golem movie starring Roddy McDowall, were filmed in color by Leder in Great Britain, but released in the United States in black and white.

Dana Andrews — a long way from LAURA — stars in THE FROZEN DEAD as a Nazi mad scientist in London twenty years after the fall of the Third Reich. Undeterred, Andrews moves forward with his heady scheme to rejuvenate the 1500 Nazi soldiers he placed in suspended animation during the war. Unfortunately, their brains don’t work, leaving Andrews with drooling idiots in full Nazi uniforms stinking up his lab (one of them is played by Edward Fox, future star of THE DAY OF THE JACKAL).

To Andrews’ and Leder’s credit, everything is played completely straight. Even the mere hint of camp would have made this material insufferable rather than silly. Though Leder’s direction is unexceptional, some of his images are indelible: a trio of Nazis hanging in a meat locker awaiting eventual reanimation, a wall of dangling arms (foreshadowing!), the decapitated but still living head of a young woman (Kathleen Breck) who can somehow communicate psychically with her best friend Anna Palk (THE SKULL), Andrews’ innocent niece.

No matter how many times filmmakers attempt it (here’s looking at you, THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE), a disembodied talking head on a tray is impossible to take seriously (which is why the great RE-ANIMATOR didn’t try), and who knows what Andrews was thinking in his scenes with Breck. Too static and talky to work as a thriller, THE FROZEN DEAD wins points for its ridiculous premise and Andrews’ professionalism, but not enough points to recommend.

Colossus: The Forbin Project

Universal’s perceptive science fiction thriller owes a tad to 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, but manages to stand on its own, thanks to a literate script by James Bridges (THE CHINA SYNDROME) and taut direction by Joseph Sargent (THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE).

Though THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS star Eric Braeden isn’t without talent, COLOSSUS: THE FORBIN PROJECT could have used more star power to counteract the drab photography (by television vet Gene Polito) and costuming (Edith Head). Albert Whitlock’s visual effects are quite good.

American scientist Forbin (Braeden) creates a super-computer called Colossus that is designed to keep an eye on the Soviets and launch nuclear missiles automatically if it senses an imminent attack. But — whoops — Colossus discovers the Soviets have their own super-computer, and the two machines team up to rule the world. They even shoot off a few nukes to prove they mean business. Can Forbin find a way to destroy his indestructible creation?

Considering COLOSSUS is mainly white guys in suits (and Georg Stanford Brown) looking at monitors, Sargent manages to work up a great deal of suspense. Stakes couldn’t be higher — nuclear annihilation — and the film melds elements of espionage and foreign intrigue into the sci-fi plot. Braeden was known for playing German soldiers in World War II mellers — he was a semi-regular on THE RAT PATROL — and brings a firm intelligence to Dr. Forbin. He and colleague Dr. Cleo Markham (drab Susan Clark) cleverly pretend to have a sexual relationship in order to have private conversations — Colossus agrees not to monitor the couple in bed — but expanding it into an actual romance is the film’s only major misstep.

X: The Man With The X-Ray Eyes

With more money for special effects, X (often given the off-screen subtitle THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES) could have been a science fiction classic. In one scene, leading character James Xavier looking with x-ray vision at a skyscraper is represented by a shot of a building under construction! As it stands, however, X ranks among director Roger Corman’s finest science fiction movies, anchored by a committed performance by Ray Milland (THE LOST WEEKEND) and an acerbic dramatic turn by standup comedian Don Rickles (BEACH BLANKET BINGO). Plus, boy, what an ending.

Dr. Xavier (Milland) is carving new paths in optical research, but is in danger of losing the grant money necessary to continue. Out of desperation, he tests his new eyedrops on himself, and gains the ability to see through walls, book covers, clothing, anything. Unfortunately, as his powers grow, his human brain isn’t advanced enough to process the otherworldly information his eyes absorb, which leads to insanity. Instead of the scientific breakthrough Xavier intended, his new power turns him into a sideshow act. He hits the road after being falsely accused of murder and hides out in a traveling circus owned by the crooked Crane (Rickles).

Though AIP marketed X with an exploitative subtitle, it’s evident Corman took the film more seriously than that, turning out a mature, thoughtful sci-fi parable. Robert Dillon (FRENCH CONNECTION II) and Ray Russell (THE INCUBUS) wrote the screenplay, and while Corman must add bits of unnecessary padding to reach a scant 79-minute running time, the script is intelligent and ambitious — too ambitious for the visual effects department to reach.

Diana van der Vlis (THE SWIMMER), Harold J. Stone (later in Corman’s THE ST. VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE), and John Hoyt (ATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE) provide more than capable support, and Corman repertory players Jonathan Haze (LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS) and Dick Miller (A BUCKET OF BLOOD) offer humor as hecklers of Xavier’s carny act. AIP released X on a double bill with Francis Ford Coppola’s DEMENTIA 13.

Demon Seed

Four-time Academy Award nominee (and winner for DARLING) Julie Christie may have given the screen performance of her life in this literate and underrated science fiction movie with a daring premise. Based on a Dean Koontz novel, DEMON SEED is a computer-goes-rogue story in the tradition of COLOSSUS: THE FORBIN PROJECT and hundreds of other films, stories, and television shows as far back as Mary Shelley’s FRANKENSTEIN. However, it’s directed so intelligently by Donald Cammell (PERFORMANCE) and given such visual and dramatic flourish that it plays like a true original.

Fritz Weaver (BLACK SUNDAY) co-stars as Alex Harris, a scientist developing an artificial intelligence called Proteus IV. Advanced enough to cure cancer, Proteus is advanced enough to want — and what it wants is Harris’ wife, Susan (Christie). Living alone after Harris’ obsession with Proteus broke up their marriage, Susan becomes trapped in her home by Proteus, which has taken control of the entire house with plans to impregnate Susan and live forever in human form.

The actors and the screenplay by Robert Jaffe (MOTEL HELL) and Roger O. Hirson (THE BRIDGE AT REMAGEN) take the outrageous premise seriously — wisely so, as any hint of humor would blow the film apart. Though serious, the plot is also sloppy at times with a few annoying questions left unanswered (for instance, what happens to a car belonging to one of Susan’s visitors?) The special effects, particularly a snake-like tetrahedron that represents one of Proteus’ physical forms, are imaginative, and the orchestral score by Jerry Fielding (THE ENFORCER) is impressive.

Because DEMON SEED is basically a two-hander, it’s important that Christie play off an impressive foe, and she does — not just the mechanical effects representing Proteus, but also the uncredited Robert Vaughn (THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.), whose voice is perfectly menacing and controlling. Weaver is believable, Gerrit Graham (USED CARS) is an effective sacrificial lamb, and Berry Kroeger (BLOOD ALLEY) gets to be a good guy in his final film.

Scream (2022)

More than ten years after SCREAM 4 stank up American multiplexes, another sequel to Wes Craven’s influential 1996 slasher classic hit screens. Inexplicably given the same title as the original film, SCREAM brings back several original cast members, though not Craven, who died in 2015. 

Less a movie than a collection of “ho ho remember that” and “okay yeah I get it” fan service callbacks to earlier SCREAMs, SCREAM 5 even opens with a less scary retread of the first movie’s famous teaser with Drew Barrymore. This teen, Tara (Jenna Ortega), who is totally into “enhanced horror” like THE BABADOOK, survives the Ghostface attack, spurring her older sister Samantha (Melissa Barrera) and Sam’s boyfriend Richie (Jack Quaid) to return to Woodsboro, where Tara is hospitalized. 

While Sam conducts her own investigation into Tara’s precocious high school friends, former Woodsboro sheriff Dewey Riley (David Arquette, still accompanied by Hans Zimmer’s BROKEN ARROW cue), a survivor of previous Ghostface attacks, checks in with ex-wife Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox), now a network television host, and Sydney Prescott (Neve Campbell), who seems to have adjusted well to her past trauma, which includes shooting to death a close relative in SCREAM 4. 

While the veteran SCREAMers have grown comfortably in their roles, bringing authentic mileage to their characters, the newcomers are awkward and unconvincing, stricken by some awful dialogue by screenwriters James Vanderbilt (THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) and Guy Busick (READY OR NOT), the worst of the SCREAM series. With Craven gone, SCREAM 5 is in the restless hands of co-directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, whose superior READY OR NOT is, oddly, more faithful to the mix of scares and smiles in the original film’s DNA than this dismal sequel. 

In the middle of the dull fan service and lazy plotting (the people of Woodsboro are remarkably incurious about police sirens blaring during the day in quiet residential neighborhoods) is Arquette’s remarkable performance, projecting human pain, loss, and regret in a movie that frankly doesn’t earn it. Long live Deputy Dewey.

The Final Option

Right-wing propaganda masquerading as shoot-’em-up entertainment, this thriller was known as WHO DARES WINS upon its original British release, but was retitled THE FINAL OPTION for MGM’s U.S. release. It was not a hit in American theaters, but it played on HBO seemingly 70,000 times, despite its R rating, so somebody must have been watching it. It’s too long (125 minutes) and the political story is not terribly interesting, but when director Ian Sharp, who later directed second unit on GOLDENEYE, gets the opportunity to stage violent action, THE FINAL OPTION is impressive. If only there was more of it.

Based loosely on the Special Air Service’s 1980 raid on London’s Iran embassy, which had been hijacked by Arab terrorists, THE FINAL OPTION stars Judy Davis (A PASSAGE TO INDIA) as the leader of “The People’s Lobby,” a terrorist organization that takes over the home of the American ambassador to England (Don Fellows), who is hosting a dinner for Secretary of State Richard Widmark (COMA) and Army general Robert Webber (S.O.B.). All she wants is for the U.S. to blow up one of its Navy bases in Scotland. Fat chance, sister, with the SAS on the case!

The SAS’ secret weapon, luckily for them, is already in the house. Top-billed Lewis Collins (TV’s THE PROFESSIONALS) botched his undercover assignment to infiltrate the People’s Lobby, but Davis takes him along on the hostage-taking anyway, probably because he turns her on in the sack (anything for England, dear boy). Edward Woodward (THE WICKER MAN) is properly staunch as the SAS man who sends Collins on the mission, and horror fans may recognize Ingrid Pitt (THE VAMPIRE LOVERS) as one of the terrorists (British television star John Duttine is another).

Collins was almost in OCTOPUSSY, but judging from his work in THE FINAL OPTION — his first lead in a feature — he would have been a Lazenbyesque James Bond. He’s okay in the fight scenes, but has little chemistry with Davis or the actress playing his wife and is generally lacking in color and charisma. That’s a problem with a thriller with so little action (Davis’ group doesn’t invade Fellows’ home until the third act) and so much dialogue. His mainstream film career never took off, nor did that of director Sharp, who went back to television.