Trespass (2011)

It’s hard to believe a glossy thriller starring Nicolas Cage (DEAD MAN WALKING) and Nicole Kidman (EYES WIDE SHUT) and directed by Joel Schumacher (A TIME TO KILL) could open on a mere ten screens, earn less than $25,000 (that’s three zeroes) at the box office, and slink onto home video three weeks later. But that’s where Hollywood is now, obsessed with sequels, remakes, and superpowers.

TRESPASS isn’t a remake, but it feels like one, because you’ve seen it all before. It’s dumb and preposterous with enough bad acting to make you wish SCTV was still around to parody it. Written by THE NOVEMBER MAN’s Karl Gajdusek, TRESPASS is basically a riff on THE DESPERATE HOURS, focusing on well-to-do couple Sarah (Kidman) and Kyle Miller (Cage) and their obnoxious teen daughter Avery (Liana Liberato), whose fortified estate is invaded by creeps, led by Elias (BLOODLINE scene-stealer Ben Mendelsohn), who want the diamonds locked away in Kyle’s safe. If Kyle opened the safe, the film would be over, so Schumacher gives us 80 minutes of screaming, swearing, and guns jammed in people’s faces.

Nothing that happens will surprise you, and the plot sustains itself on the stupidity of its characters. Cage is bored silly, could not care less about this movie or his career, and plays with the most inane line readings to entertain himself. At least someone is having a good time. Nobody walks away from TRESPASS without embarrassment, except for Mendelsohn, who projects intelligence and menace and eventually believable desperation. Jordana Spiro’s junkie henchwoman is laughable (why bring her along on the heist?). Dash Mihok (RAY DONOVAN) and Cam Gigandet (TWILIGHT) were presumably paid, but I can’t say they earned it.