Two Evil Eyes

Originally intended as an anthology of Edgar Allan Poe adaptations directed by horror legends George Romero (NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD), Dario Argento (SUSPIRIA), Wes Craven (A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET), and John Carpenter (HALLOWEEN), TWO EVIL EYES is a 120-minute film featuring two hour-long stories by Romero and Argento only. To maintain a semblance of continuity, both segments were shot in Pittsburgh using much of the same crew, though considering the Poe tribute that opens the film, it would seem more appropriate to have made it in Baltimore.

In Romero’s “The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar,” Adrienne Barbeau — who worked previously with Carpenter (THE FOG), Craven (SWAMP THING), and Romero (CREEPSHOW) — stars as Jessica Valdemar, a bitchy trophy wife ready for her elderly husband to finally die so she can cash in. The wealthy Ernest Valdemar (Bingo O’Malley) is being manipulated hypnotically by Jessica’s former lover, physician Dr. Hoffman (DARK JUSTICE vigilante Ramy Zada), into signing papers transferring his fortune to her. A ghost story of sorts, the segment turns supernatural when the old man’s soul begins haunting his scheming wife from some sort of limbo. E.G. Marshall (THE DEFENDERS) plays Valdemar’s suspicious attorney. Romero’s anachronistic insistence upon the male characters wearing hats is an oddball choice.

Harvey Keitel (BAD LIEUTENANT) plays Rod Usher (!) in Argento’s “The Black Cat,” which is actually an amalgam of several Poe stories. Death-obsessed beret-sporting crime photographer Usher keeps killing things — cats, young women — and hiding them behind the wall in the closet. No amount of bricks can block the mysterious pounding and cat meows that haunt Usher all day and night. John Amos (DIE HARD 2) plays a cop named Legrand (taken from “The Gold Bug”) investigating the disappearance of Usher’s girlfriend (Madeleine Potter). Martin Balsam (PSYCHO) and Kim Hunter (PLANET OF THE APES) play suspicious neighbors.

Argento’s segment is the more stylish, driven by the director’s characteristic gonzo visual style, but also the duller of the two stories. Strangely, Keitel’s performance is a deadly contrast to Argento’s high-energy camera movements and Pino Donaggio’s glitzy score. He never seems to be into the material, and because he begins the story as an angry jerk, his character arc goes from A to B, rather than A to Z. Barbeau gives TWO EVIL EYES’ best performance in a role benefitting from scripter Romero’s multi-layered lead character. Frankly, neither story is particularly scary, with “Valdemar” tame in the violence and gore departments.

Even though TWO EVIL EYES was the only new horror film opening Halloween weekend of 1991, Taurus Entertainment had cold feet, distributing the film to just a handful of American theaters. Even Cannon’s wheezy Chuck Norris actioner THE HITMAN did better per-screen business than this horror film by two of the genre’s giants.