Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Welcome To Cliche Theater, I'm David Caruso, Your Host

If you have ever seen CSI: MIAMI, you know that it is one of the shittiest shows in television history. I think his work on NYPD BLUE is one of TV's great performances, but David Caruso is pretty awful these days as cop Horatio Caine on CSI: MIAMI. This YouTube video is hilarious stuff. It's a montage of Caruso's solemn one-liners that apparently lead into every opening title sequence. This dialogue is bad enough in the context of each episode, but cut together like this and slamming into Roger Daltrey's scream that kicks off CSI: MIAMI's opening titles...well, it's very funny. It's not just the crappy dialogue, but also the solemn manner in which Caruso speaks it, often while using his sunglasses as a prop to, I don't know, add gravitas to the situation. Well, it ain't workin', because you'll find it difficult not to laugh at this video.

I once heard Emily Procter, an even worse actor than Caruso, say on this show that she was looking at the bullet that "fatally killed" the victim. As if there were another way to kill someone?


Anonymous said...

I'd have to agree that he's quite annoying on CSI: Miami. Not sure why I ever started watching other than it had CSI in the title and I like the original.

Kurt V. said...

You want to be more careful: looking at this the wrong way, someone might get the notion that you're making fun of David Caruso. And you don't want that to happen. I shudder to think about the consquences.

NYPD Blue was infinitely better, because instead of the corny line, he'd say it all with his lower lip and a shake of the head. (Please note: it's not just the sunglasses that are his signature move here, but the accompanying sway as he leaves the camera shot. Exit, stage left even-n-n-n.)

Is it just me, or does this video remind anyone else -- even just a little -- of an earlier William Shatner?

Marty McKee said...

That's solid advice, coming from the world's preeminent David Caruso impersonator.

Uh, I don't see a resemblance to The One True Shatner at all.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the scene in "Seven" where Brad Pitt's character tries to deliver a Caruso-esque line ("ladies and gentlemen we have ourselves a homicide") causing the medical examiner and Morgan Freeman's character to look at him like he's a retard.

If that would happen on CSI:Miami even once ... ah, but it never will.

Anonymous said...

yes, this might be the funniest thing I've ever seen. Thanks, man, and happy thanksgiving. You've brought joy to my house!

L. Rob Hubb said...

CSI:MIAMI - The Drinking Game

Take a shot every time David Caruso:
strikes a pose
takes on/off his sunglasses
gazes soulfully into the distance.

You'll be dead drunk within the first 20 minutes.