A Space Adventure For All Time

STARCRASH is a very difficult film to criticize. Not because it doesn’t have more than its fair share of faults, strictly speaking, but because it’s so lighthearted and spirited and bright and fun, you’d have to be a real crab to toss brickbats at it. It has swashbuckling robots, exploding spaceships, monstrous golems, Marjoe Gortner’s towering perm, the great Christopher Plummer (THE SOUND OF MUSIC) as the “Emperor of the Universe,” and, last but certainly not least, the fetching Caroline Munro in all her pulchritudinous splendor. I daresay that, warts and all, STARCRASH is as close to perfect science fiction entertainment as you can find.

The barely comprehensible storyline begins with space smuggler Stella Star (Munro) and her superpowered sidekick Akton (Gortner) fleeing through “hyperspace” (really cheap, animated squiggly lines) from lawmen Thor (a bald, blue-faced Robert Tessier) and Galactic Police Robot Elle (played by Judd Hamilton, Munro’s real-life husband), who speaks with a Texan (!) accent, courtesy of voice actor Hamilton Camp.

Although Stella and Akton are hailed as worthy adversaries, they’re startlingly easy to capture, and are sentenced by a silly-looking stop-motion-animated head (based on INVADERS FROM MARS) to long prison terms. Stella is forced into hard labor “feeding radium to the furnace,” which is actually dropping beach balls from a medical stretcher into a large hole in the ground.

Easily escaping and destroying the facility, Stella dashes through a grassy field, and is again captured by Thor and Elle. This time, though, it’s OK, since Thor and Elle have engineered her escape (although they couldn’t have judging from what we saw) on behalf of the Emperor of the Universe (a what-is-he-doing-here Plummer, who worked a day and a half at $10,000 per day).

Reunited with Akton, Stella is assigned by the Emperor to rescue his son Simon (David Hasselhoff—no kidding—who was on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS at the time), whose ship crashlanded on one of three planets. To extend the running time to feature length, the search party doesn’t find him until they reach the third planet, which also is the home of the diabolical Count Zarth Arn (MANIAC’s Joe Spinell), whose dialogue sounds like Stan Lee’s Dr. Doom and wardrobe suspiciously resembles Darth Vader’s.

Cozzi (ALIEN CONTAMINATION) and co-screenwriter Nat Wachsberger (also the film’s producer) write themselves out of corners by giving the characters previously unmentioned superpowers and into others through an alarming lack of logic, characterization, and elementary school-level science. See Stella survive a night on the surface of a planet with a temperature of “thousands of degrees” below zero! See the Emperor’s warriors invade the Count’s spaceship (which is shaped like a giant hand, complete with flexing fingers!) by firing themselves inside torpedoes (!) through glass windows (!) onto the bridge! See Marjoe battle animated creatures using a lightsaber (!) that the Count’s crack security staff conveniently neglected to confiscate! Best of all, watch in amazement as the Emperor rescues our heroes with the ultimate deus ex machina, a green ray that “halts the flow of time!”

The visual effects are technically pretty lousy all around, although there are lots of them—chintzy plastic spaceship models (complete with hanging wires), cheap animation, blurry rear-screen projection, jiggery stop-motion. The outer space backgrounds resemble Christmas trees with their bright red, yellow, and blue “stars,” the “dogfights” are brisky and clumsy, and as for the makeup, Gortner and Hasselhoff wear as much mascara as Munro does.

It’s difficult to judge the performances, due to the crude dubbing and cringe-inducing dialogue, but I can’t imagine any other actors who could make STARCRASH better. You can’t really take your eyes off Munro, one of the sexiest women ever to appear in genre movies, anyway, thanks to a steady array of cleavage-baring leather bikinis. Gortner (BOBBIE JO AND THE OUTLAW) delivers another performance with the same goofy grin he always uses, a crazed Spinell flares his nostrils and spins his cape, and Hasselhoff just plain looks lonely and lost.

Don’t think I’m ripping STARCRASH, however. Nuh-uh, not at all. What’s glorious about STARCRASH is that, when viewed with the proper state of mind, it’s quite fun. The story becomes such a mess so early in the picture that you may as well give up trying to follow it, and go along with the goofy flow instead. Every few minutes, a new threat—an army of sexy Amazon warriors, a 50-foot robot with boobs, kung-fu-kicking cavemen, sword-wielding golems—is introduced that’s even funnier than the one that came before it. And every time Cozzi pulls another headscratching “plothole eraser” (for instance, at just the right time, it’s revealed that one character can see into the future, which, of course, explains why he lets himself be hit on the head and captured over and over again) out of his rear end, it’s so in-your-face audacious and shameful that you just gotta laugh.

Somehow, Cozzi or the Wachsberger brothers who produced STARCRASH convinced Bond-film veteran John Barry to do the score, which is very good and probably better than a film at this budget level deserves. After a successful international release, Roger Corman bought the rights, cut a few minutes out, hired AMERICAN GRAFFITI actress Candy Clark (!) to dub Caroline Munro’s voice, and released it through his New World Pictures.

Soon after its U.S. theatrical run, STARCRASH got onto television and VHS, but for more than twenty years, it was very difficult for American fans to see. Amazingly, Shout Factory bestowed upon audiences a sparkling 2-disc DVD and Blu-ray release in 2010. All the better to ogle the gorgeous Caroline Munro, as well as Roberto Piazzoli’s colorful cinematography and Armando Valcauda’s unconvincing but creative special effects.

Author Stephen Romano (SHOCK FESTIVAL), a big STARCRASH fan, really spearheaded the project and provides not one, but two audio commentary tracks. I listened to just one, the so-called scene-specific track, and Romano’s knowledge and enthusiasm shine through. Both Cozzi and Munro sit before Shout Factory’s cameras for lengthy interviews that cover the breadth of their careers. I wish Gortner and particularly Hasselhoff had participated, but I have no quibble with the job Shout Factory did.

The set also includes exclusive behind-the-scenes footage narrated by Romano, several STARCRASH trailers (one with commentary by Joe Dante, who edited New World’s original spot), deleted scenes, photo galleries, promotional art, deleted scenes, and even features dedicated to the film’s score and special effects. No doubt STARCRASH, as well as the rest of Shout Factory’s Roger Corman Cult Classics line, will reign as one of 2010’s best DVD releases.

Terminal Island

Seven years before MAGNUM, P.I. premiered on CBS, Tom Selleck and his co-star Roger E. Mosley appeared together in TERMINAL ISLAND. The director is Stephanie Rothman, who made this highly entertaining drive-in picture for Dimension Pictures, the studio she helped found with her husband, producer Charles S. Swartz, and former Roger Corman colleague Lawrence Woolner. She, Swartz, and Jim Barnett (DEATH AT LOVE HOUSE) also wrote the screenplay, which offers an unusual feminist spin on the usual women-in-prison tropes.

In addition to Selleck and Mosley, the cast is packed with familiar faces, many from television, that provide the loony premise with credibility. After the death penalty is rescinded in California, convicted murderers are sent to an island to serve their life sentences. There are no guards or walls, and the prisoners (male and female) are free to set up camp, grow their own food, and fend for themselves.

The prisoners have split into two camps: one sadistic, led by the vicious Monk (Mosley) and Bobby (Sean Kenney, the crippled Captain Pike on STAR TREK), in which the women are used as sex slaves, and one peaceful, led by A.J. (LAND OF THE GIANTS’ Don Marshall). Phyllis Davis (VEGA$), Marta Kristen (LOST IN SPACE), Barbara Leigh (THE STUDENT NURSES), and Ena Hartman (DAN AUGUST) are the women who escape to A.J.’s team, which spurs guerrilla warfare between the two sides.

The oddly structured script starts from the point of view of the Hartman character, but switches its focus to Kenney and Marshall, and finally ends on a hopeful note with Selleck as the hero. The schizophrenic music score by Dimension’s Michael Andres (with uncredited work by Jerry Styner) rarely fits the action, though it admittedly matches Rothman’s comic-book tone. Styner’s bizarre country song performed by Jeff Thomas under the opening titles does neither except lead the audience to expect a parody.

Certainly, Rothman is seeking a tongue-in-cheek tone. Her direction isn’t clever — it would be difficult to be, considering the short schedule and grueling location work — but it is colorful and sharply paced. Filmed on location in Malibu and on the nearby Paramount Ranch, TERMINAL ISLAND is silly fun with generally good acting and plenty of action.

But It's Always After Midnight

A college professor (Ramy Zada) teaching a course on fear invites some students over to his pad to share scary stories. Jim and Ken Wheat, who wrote drafts of THE FLY II and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4, wrote and shared directing duties on this United Artists horror anthology with three short vignettes. Shot in Los Angeles for $3 million in 38 days, AFTER MIDNIGHT is an amiable enough shocker, but riddled with a clichéd screenplay without a surprise in sight. UA gave it a token theatrical release in November 1989.

The first story, “The Old Dark House,” finds married couple Kevin (Marc McClure, SUPERMAN’s Jimmy Olsen) and Joanie (CRITTERS’ Nadine van der Velde) stranded at night in the boonies and forced to seek help at a creepy old house. The hokey story is well-played by the earnest actors, but sunk by a poorly directed climax.

The sexy Judie Aronson (FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER) plays one of four teenage girls whose convertible breaks down in a strangely empty urban area and are chased by a pack of killer Dobermans. “A Night on the Town” is not especially scary, but the Wheats milk the suspense and stuntwork for all they can.

Marg Helgenberger, then on CHINA BEACH, but a star of CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION for the past decade, stars in “All Night Operator” as, what else, an operator at an answering service who is menaced by the psycho stalker (Alan Rosenberg, Helgenberger’s real-life husband) of a soap actress. Like the previous story, the Wheats are competent at creating suspense, but the problem with all three vignettes is their derivative premises.

The Zada wraparound, which co-stars Jillian McWhirter (of BLOODFIST VII and VIII) as a college student who has premonitions of doom, allows the Wheats to show off some impressive fire and stop-motion effects, but is ultimately ridiculous and pointless, leaving the patient viewer with a somewhat sour taste in his mouth. Anthologies were the rage in the 1980s on television and in films, but Jeff Burr’s FROM A WHISPER TO A SCREAM, for one, is a much better example of the genre.

Selling The American Dream

It’s difficult to discuss the debut feature by 41-year-old Derrick Borte without getting into the plot twist that drives it. Surprisingly, several reviewers revealed the twist (which occurs early in the film) during THE JONESES’ brief theatrical release.

The satire works just as well if you know the twist in advance (or if you guess it), I’m happy to say, thanks to Borte’s wicked scripting and his game cast. Steve (David Duchovny) and Kate Jones (Demi Moore) and teens Mick (Ben Hollingsworth) and Jen (Amber Heard) sure seem like the perfect American upper-middle-class family with the house and the looks and the golf clubs and the mani-pedis, but it won’t take you long to guess there’s also something a little wonky about them.

THE JONESES is a smart comedy that takes shots at consumerism and the insidiousness of contemporary marketing that only falters when it falls to mush and tries to make its leading characters likable. Everyone knows from THE X-FILES and THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW (and CALIFORNICATION? Dunno, never seen it) that Duchovny possesses a wry sense of humor, but Moore, a performer I’ve never cottoned to, is a surprisingly good match for him, both physically and dramatically. Lending real heart are the always awesome Gary Cole and Glenne Headly as the Joneses’ not-so-upscale neighbors whose attempts to keep up make them tragic figures.

I’m not wild about the ending or the late-in-the-game wussification of its hard-selling characters, but the premise and cast are solid, and when Borte is brave enough to stick the knife into the material, THE JONESES works quite well.

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em

RIPTIDE was an action show co-created by Stephen J. Cannell that premiered on NBC in January 1984. Starring Perry King (CAPTAINS AND THE KINGS) and Joe Penny (JAKE AND THE FATMAN) as Cody Allen and Nick Ryder, respectively, handsome private detectives operating off a Los Angeles pier, and Thom Bray (DEEPSTAR SIX) as Boz, their nerdy computer-expert sidekick, RIPTIDE was a big hit its first two seasons.

Unfortunately, when RIPTIDE returned for Season 3 in the fall of 1985, it ran in the same Tuesday night timeslot as ABC's new juggernaut, MOONLIGHTING, which was not only a ratings sensation, but also the hippest water-cooler drama on television.

NBC finally moved RIPTIDE away from MOONLIGHTING to Friday nights, but it was too late. The Cannell show never picked up the viewers it lost, and RIPTIDE was cancelled after its third season.

However, thanks to writers Babs Greyhosky and Tom Blomquist, it went out with a bang. Its next-to-last episode, airing April 18, 1986, was "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em." It guest-starred Richard Greene (not the ROBIN HOOD actor) and Annette McCarthy as the stars of a familiar-looking TV series who team up with the newly hired technical advisers Nick and Cody to solve a crime.

The good-natured parody was the subject of an article in the Los Angeles Times that focused on the episode's genesis and how the writers managed to appease ABC lawyers. What's really interesting, as you'll see in the clip below, is how spot-on Greene and McCarthy were with their impressions of Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd. Neither went on to great fame, though Greene still works steadily as a guest star in TV dramas (like BONES).

Here is the teaser and the opening titles to RIPTIDE's "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em" with a cool surfer-dude theme composed by Mike Post and Pete Carpenter:

Who Loves You And Who Do You Love?

Stephen King’s bizarre novella THE RUNNING MAN became a silly TriStar motion picture in 1987 with Arnold Schwarzenegger at the height of his fame. Of all people, Paul Michael Glaser, the curly-haired star of STARSKY AND HUTCH, replaced Andrew Davis (THE FUGITIVE) behind the camera during principal photography, but was miscast for a movie demanding a director with a taste for wit. THE RUNNING MAN is slick, boisterous, occasionally funny, violent, but never as clever or wild as the material would suggest.

The film’s most brilliant concept is the casting of smarmy game show host Richard Dawson (FAMILY FEUD) as Damon Killian, the vicious host of the inhumane yet enormously popular television series THE RUNNING MAN, which pits convicts in a run for their lives on city streets against colorfully clothed killers like Fireball (Jim Brown), Dynamo (Erland van Lidth), and Captain Freedom (Jesse Ventura). Yep, it’s THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, but with a lot more neon.

It’s a little tough to reconcile a totalitarian 2017 with small tube TVs and cassette tapes, not to mention a worldwide television sensation among a general public that appears to live in squalor on the streets. I suppose it doesn’t matter much when Arnold is tossing off quips and heads are exploding. Schwarzenegger has nothing in common with King’s Ben Richards, but he’s a game enough lead as a wrongfully accused cop blackmailed by Killian into competing in his vulgar spectacle.

Impressively filling her Spandex costume is a tasty Maria Conchita Alonso at the height of her hotness, and Yaphet Kotto (ALIEN) classes up the joint as Schwarzenegger's prison buddy. Also in the oddball cast are Marvin J. McIntyre, Mick Fleetwood, Dweezil Zappa, Kurt Fuller, Dey Young, Lin Shaye, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Karen Leigh Hopkins, and Professor Toru Tanaka with dance choreography by Paula Abdul!

The Zombie Rabbit Award

Sorry that my postings have been infrequently lately, but I've been using the waning weeks of summer to chill out a little and take a bit of a blogging break. Don't worry--I don't intend this to be a permanent schedule, and fully plan to get back into a more regular posting habit very soon.

In the meantime, let me humbly thank my online colleague Don Guarisco over at Schlockmania for graciously presenting me with a Zombie Rabbit! I'm not entirely sure of its origin, but I appreciate Don's gesture as the compliment it is intended to be.

The occasion is also a good excuse to link to some other blogs worthy (or more worthy) of a Zombie Rabbit. Please see Don's Schlockmania post for a good number of blogs you should be reading if you're interested in the kinds of entertainment we celebrate here at the Crane Shot. I won't repeat any of the blogs Don has already awarded Zombie Rabbits too, though I do recommend them.

Bruce Holecheck really needs to post more often at Cinema Arcana, but you should have fun playing his weekly game of Name That Movie every Monday.

Congratulations to father-to-be Neil Sarver at The Bleeding Tree, who waxes eloquently on trashy movies and comics and sometimes trashy movies about comics.

Chris Stangl at The Exploding Kinetoscope also needs to post more often, but he makes up for it with long, detailed, intricate articles of interest.

My Twitter pal Emily at The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense is always good for two or three smart film reviews--with screen caps!--each week.

My longtime colleague at Mobius Home Video Forum and good friend Richard Harland Smith is one of several Movie Morlocks at the Turner Classic Movies website. He recently wrote a great piece on the fine actor and even finer physical specimen Woody Strode in the manliest of man movies, THE PROFESSIONALS.

I don't know who he is or what he does by day, but by night, Outlaw Vern is my favorite film critic on the planet. He's unquestionably the funniest, but underneath the gags and distinct writing style is a real love of film and knowledge to match.

Finally, Wrong Side of the Art is an amazing collection of high-definition movie posters from years past. I love to see what this blog lays on me day after day. Some of them are definitely not safe for work, however, so wait to experience these cool one-sheets until you get home.

There are dozens more that I could share that would be as deserving of a Zombie Rabbit as the blogs I've mentioned above, and if I have neglected you, I apologize. Thanks again, Don!

Little Darlings

So, which “little darling” at summer camp will lose her virginity first? Will it be tough girl from the projects Angel (Kristy McNichol) or rich kid Ferris (Tatum O’Neal)? All the standard tropes of summer camp movies are in 1980's LITTLE DARLINGS—skinny-dipping, joyriding, food fighting, prophylactic hunting—but this isn’t an exploitation movie. What sets LITTLE DARLINGS apart from the MEATBALLSes and the GORPs is that its protagonists are girls. And that’s all the difference in the world.

The humor isn’t mean-spirited, the objects of desire aren’t humiliated, and when one of the girls finally does have sex, it leaves a powerful emotional impact on her. Director Maxwell (GETTYSBURG) goes for verisimilitude in his casting by hiring actual teens (O’Neal and Matt Dillon were 15; McNichol 16) with natural acting talent. The stars were already Hollywood veterans by the time they filmed LITTLE DARLINGS, but they come across as real kids. McNichol, who played a similar tomboy-type to acclaim on TV’s FAMILY, is particularly strong in the more challenging of the leading roles. Also appearing are Cynthia Nixon (SEX AND THE CITY) in her film debut as a hippie chick, Krista Errickson (HELLO LARRY), Alexa Kanin, Abby Bluestone, Simone Schachter, and a scene-stealing butterball named Jenn Thompson (HARPER VALLEY PTA) who should have had a big career. All of these girls are very good and natural, although Errickson’s thankless role as the bitchy one forces her over the top on occasion.

Of course, looking at LITTLE DARLINGS today, one can’t help but raise an eyebrow at O’Neal’s pursuit of counselor Armand Assante (who was then 29), a subplot that would never occur in a Paramount picture today, never mind the smoking and the revealing costumes. Kimi Peck, whose only produced screenplay this is, and Dalene Young (THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB) have a sharp ear for intelligent dialogue, which combines with the performances and Maxwell’s fluid direction to create a surprisingly sensitive drama. John Lennon, Blondie, Rickie Lee Jones, Supertramp, and other top recording artists perform on the soundtrack, and Charles Fox composed and conducted the score. Filmed in Georgia. NBC aired a wildly censored version in 1983.

Birdie's Hot Wheels

Birdie’s Hot Wheels
March 11, 1980
Music: John Andrew Tartaglia
Writer: Mark Fink
Director: James Sheldon

When Sheriff Lobo (Claude Akins) takes a gander at Birdie’s (Brian Kerwin) souped-up new drag-racing car, his silver tongue convinces his deputy to hire him as his personal manager. For 25% of his winnings, of course. Birdie may not make it to the starting line, however, after Perkins (Mills Watson) leaves the keys in “Bye Bye Birdie” after a joyride, and the car is stolen by bank robbers who use it during a heist. With Birdie in jail awaiting trial, it’s up to Lobo to clear his deputy’s name.

“Birdie’s Hot Wheels” was the last of five MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO episodes directed by James Sheldon, whose television career began helming MISTER PEEPERS back in 1952. Sheldon continued working for another six years, climaxing with a SLEDGE HAMMER!, a series that parodied cop shows, in 1986. Veteran actor Morgan Woodward guest-stars as Lockwood, the sheriff of neighboring Marion County and a jealous rival of Lobo’s. Woodward was a good foil for Akins, and he returned to cause more trouble for Lobo in the series’ first-season finale. A much more attractive screen presence is Pat Klous, Birdie’s romantic interest in the episode, a shapely racer named C.R. Jameson. Klous had recently starred in FLYING HIGH, a drama about three adventurous stewardesses, and later joined the cast of THE LOVE BOAT as Lauren Tewes’ replacement.

For all the talking about racing, precious little is on the screen, outside of some stock footage that plays early in the episode. I don’t think Sheldon and the cast got anywhere near an actual speedway. The only original racing takes place in the Universal parking lot, where Birdie’s car is inexplicably parked. In other sloppiness, the boom microphone pops into the picture in a couple of shots.

Survival Is A Killer

I thought I'd follow up THE EXPENDABLES with another Sylvester Stallone thriller, the ill-fated EYE SEE YOU, which ended up basically going direct to video in 2002.

Jim Gillespie, whose I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER had been a huge hit, directed this adult-oriented serial killer flick in British Columbia during the winter and spring of 1999. It was called THE OUTPOST and then D-TOX. Universal then shelved it and eventually sold it to DEJ, which began playing it in early 2002 in almost every country except the United States.

Having become something of a legend, due to its strong cast and intriguing premise, D-TOX finally received a token domestic release in September 2002, when it was dumped unceremoniously into about fifty theaters in Michigan and Texas under the (awful) title EYE SEE YOU.

With a distribution history that troubled, a logical question would be, does EYE SEE YOU suck? The answer is no, definitely not. It isn't great, but it is a solid thriller with an outstanding cast, some gore, a neat premise, and solid work by Stallone as an emotionally wounded FBI agent named Jake Malloy.

Malloy’s prey is a serial killer who has slaughtered nine police officers in less than six months. After Jake’s fiancée Mary (STARSHIP TROOPERS' Dina Meyer) becomes the killer’s latest victim, because he bears a grudge against Jake for pursuing him, Malloy becomes an alcoholic and attempts suicide.

His friend Hendricks (ROC's Charles S. Dutton) convinces him to check into a very remote detox facility for law enforcement officers only, which is run by an ex-cop called Doc (Kris Kristofferson) and located deep in the snowbound Wyoming mountains. Also in residence there: the killer, who has taken the place of one of the patients and begins slaughtering Malloy’s new colleagues during a blizzard. The passel of victims includes Robert Patrick, Robert Prosky, Jeffrey Wright, and Tom Berenger.

Stallone’s status as a proven earner had taken a plunge with his previous few films, but EYE SEE YOU is certainly solid enough that it may have found an audience. It’s hard to believe Stallone’s name was such box-office poison that Universal didn’t want anything to do with EYE SEE YOU. It has its problems, but it's a nifty little movie that has trouble deciding whether it wants to be a horror movie or detective thriller.

Gillespie films a decent chase in the first act and creatively imagines the various creepy killings, though some extra gore might have helped add some zing. Stallone leads the ensemble of accomplished character actors, anchored by Patrick (TERMINATOR 2) as the obvious red herring. It’s always good to see Berenger (PLATOON), though he’s somewhat miscast as the outpost’s dopey handyman.

Gillespie has directed just one feature since EYE SEE YOU’s 1999 shoot, the little-seen horror picture VENOM. Stallone, on the other hand, made an amazing comeback by directing and starring in ROCKY BALBOA, RAMBO, and THE EXPENDABLES, which is currently America's most popular film.

Choose Your Weapon

Following the success of similar throwbacks ROCKY BALBOA and RAMBO (the third sequel to FIRST BLOOD), director/writer/star Sylvester Stallone created THE EXPENDABLES as an homage to the high-octane action pictures that kept him consistently atop the box office charts in the 1980s. Although he does overrelies on inadequate modern techniques like CGI blood squirts and shaky-cam editing, for the most part Stallone sticks to the basics, resulting in an enjoyable bone-crushing exercise in nostalgia with a body count.

It’s interesting that Stallone’s macho parade opened theatrically the same day as Edgar Wright’s SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD, which stars scrawny Michael Cera as a babyfaced slacker who fights the seven former suitors of his new girlfriend in elaborately staged martial arts battles. THE EXPENDABLES appears to have been made in direct response to the 2000s’ breed of action hero, who tend to be smaller, milder, and more introspective than Sly’s generation.

In addition to the 64-year-old ROCKY star, still looking fit in spite or because of his obvious facelifts and steroid-enhanced physique, THE EXPENDABLES marks the big-screen return of Stallone’s former ROCKY IV rival Dolph Lundgren, who shows off character actor chops as a drug-addled mercenary named Gunner that plays a big part in the storyline by Stallone and Dave Callaham (DOOM).

Gunner, Lee Christmas (second-billed Jason Statham), Ying Yang (Jet Li), Toll Road (professional fighter Randy Couture), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), and tattoo artist Tool (Mickey Rourke) are friends and members of a team of battle-hardened soldiers led by Stallone’s Barney Ross. Their easy banter makes it clear that these men have seen a lot of shit in their lifetimes, and despite Lee’s attempt at some kind of normal relationship with a woman named Lacy (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER’s Charisma Carpenter), they’re resigned to the fact that they can only really be comfortable with one another.

The film’s most memorable scene contains no explosions or broken limbs at all. Just a short conversation that puts Stallone on the screen for the first time with fellow action icons Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger that is shrewdly designed by Sly to dump a load of exposition in a manner certain not to bore the audience.

Ross and his team hires on for a $5 million payday to invade the army-protected stronghold of a Latin American dictator, General Garza (DEXTER’s David Zayas), who is involved in a massive drug-running operation with rogue CIA agent James Munroe (a deliciously lip-smacking Eric Roberts). Ross and Christmas’ reconnaissance teams them with their contact, the beautiful Sandra (Mexican starlet Giselle Itie, making her English-language debut), whom they discover is Garza’s ashamed daughter.

The script isn’t much to get excited about, though it does contain a few nice touches. When Ross and Christmas meet Sandra, they see that she’s an accomplished artist. Later, we discover the general is also an artist, allowing the audience to imagine a backstory of father teaching daughter his passion and the countless hours they spent together, providing an emotional resonance to their current estrangement without beating the audience over the head with it. Dialogue is mainly curt declarative statements and one-liners, but you aren’t seeing THE EXPENDABLES for the talky stuff anyway. If your memories include Friday nights at the local theater watching COBRA or COMMANDO or INVASION U.S.A., THE EXPENDABLES is right up your alley.

After The Oil Wars

Originally released as BATTLETRUCK (or at least reviewed in VARIETY under that title), WARLORDS OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY is a New Zealand production that has basically the same plot as THE ROAD WARRIOR, but with less action, less money, and a lesser star. After promising to put up half the budget, Roger Corman eventually provided 30 percent of the film’s budget and left it to former documentary filmmaker Cokliss to find the rest.

American character actor James Wainwright (JIGSAW) is Straker, despotic leader of a band of raiders who conquer the land using a massive, invulnerable land cruiser armed with weaponry. Michael Beck, who flunked out of the movie star ranks after XANADU, MEGAFORCE, and this, is Hunter, a typical loner with a badass motorcycle that runs on methane created from chicken guano.

Straker’s struggle to communicate with his runaway daughter (Annie McEnroe) helps to humanize the character, and Wainwright does a good job carrying the picture. Cokliss’ action scenes are effective (Buddy Joe Hooker was the stunt coordinator and second unit director), but the movie needs more of them. Chris Menges (THE KILLING FIELDS) was Cokliss’ cinematographer, and future director Lee Tamahori (DIE ANOTHER DAY) was the boom operator. Also with Bruno Lawrence (THE QUIET EARTH), Randolph Powell (LOGAN’S RUN), and John Ratzenberger (CHEERS). Kevin Peak’s score is not good.

Shout Factory’s DVD teams it with the more entertaining DEATHSPORT, and gives it a second-feature treatment. Director Cokliss provides a dry audio commentary you won’t listen to more than once, and an okay still gallery completes the supplements. Shout Factory doesn’t even letterbox it, providing a decent-looking full-frame print bearing the American title, even though it’s called BATTLETRUCK on the box.

No More Super Bowl

DEATHSPORT is a pseudo-sequel to New World’s very successful DEATH RACE 2000 that definitely falls beneath the heading of “Guilty Pleasure” (if you believe in that sort of thing). It contains a confusing plot, numerous lapses in logic and storytelling, cheap sets and props, and an absolute lack of (intentional) humor.

On the other hand, former Playboy Playmate Claudia Jennings (THE UNHOLY ROLLERS) has several nude scenes, lots of stuff blows up real good, heavy Richard Lynch (GOD TOLD ME TO) delivers a strong performance, and star David Carradine (also in DEATH RACE 2000) is almost always entertaining to watch. In fact, Carradine is often just as much fun in films he knows are terrible than in his truly good ones.

DEATHSPORT’s troubled production history starts with debuting writer/director Nicholas Niciphor, who was simply miscast as a Roger Corman filmmaker. The German graduate of USC’s film school not only had never seen a Corman movie before, but he had never even seen an exploitation movie! Based on a student film Niciphor made at USC, Corman hired the young man to rewrite and direct DEATHSPORT, but gave him only two weeks of preparation time before location shooting began in Southern California. Niciphor also didn’t get along with Carradine and Jennings (Carradine punched him and broke his nose, as longtime readers of Psychotronic Video will remember from the back-and-forth between actor and director in letter columns) either, and returned to Corman after principal photography with an unreleaseable mess.

Corman then hired Allan Arkush, the co-director (with Joe Dante) of HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, to go back on location with the temperamental stars (and even more temperamental motorcycles!) and film more inserts and action sequences in hopes of completing a somewhat comprehensible film. DEATHSPORT really isn’t that, but it does move along fairly quickly and dishes out enough nudity and violence to keep the audience from nodding off, at least.

In the post-apocalyptic future of the 30th century, Range Guide Kaz Oshay (Carradine) wanders the desert mumbling platitudes like “must keep moving like sand in the wind” and battling Death Machine-riding soldiers—called Statesmen—led by black-clad Ankar Moor (Lynch). Death Machines are laser-firing motorcycles with silver-painted cardboard instrument panels that don’t look the least bit futuristic.

Oshay and another Guide, bikini-wearing Deneer (Jennings), are captured by the Statemen and sentenced to play Deathsport, a gladiator-style match in which they must battle an army of Death Machines while armed only with crystal-bladed swords. Escaping with a disgraced doctor (TATE star David McLean) and his whiny wimp son (Will Walker), Oshay and Deneer head for the domed paradisiacal city of Triton with Ankar Moor and his minions in hot pursuit.

The rough goings-on behind the scenes are evident on the screen—the introduction of plot threads (like an impending storm that threatens our heroes’ journey) that are quickly forgotten or ignored, a cycle chase through an “abandoned” fuel dump that features mysterious ramps and empty striped barrels that blow up for no reason, an inexplicable torture chamber involving dangling Christmas-tree lights, hastily-produced matte paintings (by Jack Rabin) that don’t look remotely believable. Carradine, although he doesn’t have a particularly muscular build, is a serviceable action hero, and pulls off the faux-Shakespearean no-contraction-using dialogue the best he can. Jennings was a better actress than most former models, and Lynch again uses his scarred countenance to good effect.

Jennings had a major cult following in exploitation films during the 1970s. Her career was sadly cut short by a fatal car accident along Pacific Coast Highway at age 29. Niciphor, who used “Henry Suso” as his screen credit, never directed another picture. Also with William Smithers, Jesse Vint (FORBIDDEN WORLD), H.B. Haggerty, and teenage Linnea Quigley as an extra. The maddening synth score by Andy Stein features not-very-impressive guitarwork by Jerry Garcia.

DEATHSPORT appeared letterboxed for the first time on home video on Shout Factory’s satisfactory DVD, which partnered it with BATTLETRUCK, a New Zealand ripoff off THE ROAD WARRIOR that Corman picked up and released theatrically in the U.S. as WARLORDS OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY. In addition to an entertaining and candid commentary track by Arkush and editor Larry Bock, the disc includes radio spots, trailers, and still galleries that make it an attractive package for Corman fans.

They're Here. And They're Hungry

Roger Corman’s JAWS ripoff is an enjoyable slice of exploitation, thanks to a witty script by John Sayles (LONE STAR) and clever tongue-in-cheek direction by Joe Dante (THE HOWLING), making his solo debut after teaming with Allan Arkush (ROCK ‘N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL) to make HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD two years earlier.

Alcoholic outdoorsman Grogan (Bradford Dillman) and spunky skip-tracer Maggie (Heather Menzies) try to prevent the deadly title fish from attacking a summer camp and a vacation resort. What’s unusual about the plot is that the heroes are indirectly responsible for all the bloodshed and death. When Maggie and Grogan are poking around an abandoned Army base looking for a pair of missing teenagers, they drain a tank where, unbeknownst to them, dwell mutated piranha artificially developed by army scientist Hoak (Kevin McCarthy) for use as a weapon against the Viet Cong.

Many, many movies were made in the late 1970s to jump on the JAWS bandwagon featuring killer animals striking back against humans, often with an ecological theme, but PIRANHA is certainly one of the best of them. Dante and Sayles’ masterstroke was to play the story with wry humor, allowing the eccentric supporting cast to have fun spinning the usual clichés. Using subtle gags to offset the scares helps the more extreme scenes, such as a setpiece involving children at a summer camp being victimized by the razor-toothed fishies, go down more easily.

Dante loves genre actors and populated PIRANHA with great faces like Barbara Steele (BLACK SUNDAY), Bruce Gordon (THE UNTOUCHABLES), Dick Miller (A BUCKET OF BLOOD), Keenan Wynn, Richard Deacon (Mel Cooley on THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW) and Paul Bartel, and balanced them with interesting and attractive young actors like Barry Brown (DAISY MILLER), Belinda Balaski (BOBBIE JO AND THE OUTLAW), and Melody Scott Thomas, who went on to decades of starring in THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.

Believe it or not, Peter Fonda was the original choice for Grogan, though Dillman carries the leading role just fine, and Eric Braeden (COLOSSUS: THE FORBIN PROJECT) actually shot some scenes in McCarthy’s role. Both actors dropped out, however, when they feared the special effects would look silly. Though you’d never mistake the effects for top-notch, they actually look pretty good. Some of Hollywood’s best effects artists, such as Phil Tippett (JURASSIC PARK), Rob Bottin (THE THING), and Chris Walas (THE FLY), worked on PIRANHA very early in their careers, and, aided by sharp cutting by editor Mark Goldblatt (THE TERMINATOR), turned out effective scary, gory stuff. Pino Donaggio (DRESSED TO KILL) composed and recorded the surprisingly lush score in Italy.

PIRANHA was a huge success. It was, up to that time, New World Pictures’ most profitable film, grossing more than $30 million worldwide and spawning a 1981 sequel (James Cameron’s directorial debut!), a 1995 remake with William Katt and Alexandra Paul in the Dillman and Menzies roles, and a bloody 2010 remake in 3D! Shout Factory gave Dante’s film a shiny DVD and Blu-ray release as part of its Roger Corman Cult Classics line, porting over the extras (including Dante’s commentary track with producer Jon Davison) from an earlier DVD and adding a few more, such as a new making-of documentary featuring Dante, Miller, Balaski, and others to talk about the film. Shout Factory also gave the print a nice touch-up and released it in letterbox form for the first time on home video. PIRANHA is one of New World’s finest productions and deserves a look by horror fans.

They Hunt Human Women. Not For Killing. For Mating.

One of Roger Corman’s most notorious films features so much gratuitous sleaze that both its leading lady and its director publicly protested it and tried to get their names removed from the credits. Director Barbara Peeters (SUMMER SCHOOL TEACHERS) refused to shoot the extra scenes of gore, nudity, and intraspecies sexual assault Corman demanded, and the new footage directed by James Sbardellati (DEATHSTALKER) was so explicit that the cast freaked when they saw the film for the first time. Audiences loved New World’s gruesome homage to CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, however, and the result of Corman’s post-production meddling is one of the studio’s most popular horror movies.

Scaly six-foot sea monsters terrorize a small California fishing community already rocked by racial tension between whites and Native Americans. An ecological storyline involving a new cannery coming to town and polluting the waters provides Corman’s patented social commentary that helps justify the incessant rapes, eviscerations, and explosions (the mutant sea monsters are the result of DNA experiments done on salmon to make them breed faster and larger). Doug McClure (an experienced monster-fighter in drek like WARLORDS OF ATLANTIS and THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT) toplines as married fisherman Jim Hill, who takes the lead in battling the horny buggers, along with Ann Turkel (RAVAGERS) as shapely scientist Susan Drake and a ranting, curly-haired Vic Morrow (COMBAT) as race-baiting cannery owner Hank Slattery.

Shot as BENEATH THE DARKNESS to fool the actors and crew into believing they were making a somewhat respectable movie, HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP was released by United Artists overseas as MONSTER and spawned a 1996 remake. It’s a lurid film that certainly delivers the goods, particularly a rousing, fiery finale with enough breasts and spurting blood to stock a couple of creature features. And no sissy stuff with keeping the monsters hidden in the shadows either. These beasties are front and center, clearly played by men in rubber suits, but designed by Rob Bottin (THE THING) seamy, creepy style. Newcomer Mark Goldblatt (THE TERMINATOR) edits with tightly wound exuberance. James Horner’s jangly score adds a few jolts, and Peeters’ impressive truck explosion was recycled in many Corman pictures to come.

Cindy Weintraub (THE PROWLER), Anthony Pena, Lynne Theel (WITHOUT WARNING), Denise Galik (DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE), Hoke Howell, and Linda Shayne (SCREWBALLS) co-star. In addition to Horner, Bottin, and Goldblatt, production assistant Gale Anne Hurd also graduated to bigger, better Hollywood movies, including producing THE TERMINATOR. Electrician Rowdy Herrington went on to direct ROAD HOUSE. Shout Factory’s impressive DVD and Blu-ray release includes the international cut, which offers a few extra seconds of a brutal decapitation that was censored from New World’s U.S. release to get an R rating from the MPAA.

Perhaps more enticing to HUMANOIDS fans is Shout Factory’s inclusion of never-before-seen deleted footage of gore and nudity that was cut from the movie before its release, probably to meet Corman’s usual demand to keep the running time around 80 minutes. About seven minutes of mostly gratuitous gore and T&A unspool for your prurient delight. Other extras include a new making-of doc with plenty of talking heads, none of them Peeters or the main stars; an old Leonard Maltin chat with Corman; trailers; and a still gallery. Like Shout Factory’s GALAXY OF TERROR and FORBIDDEN WORLD discs, HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP comes with reversible cover art, so you can display your disc with the foreign MONSTER art if you like.

The Soul Of Nigger Charley

Paramount made enough dough from THE LEGEND OF NIGGER CHARLEY to bring star Fred Williamson back for a sequel, this time directed by the original’s producer and co-writer, Larry G. Spangler. THE SOUL OF NIGGER CHARLEY, one of four Williamson movies released in 1973, is a pretty good western and maybe even a little better than LEGEND.

A Confederate Army colonel called “Blanchard the Butcher” (a hateful Kevin Hagen) and his men, who refuse to accept the war is over, slaughters a small town and kidnaps the black citizens. Down in Mexico, Blanchard has set up a new community of Southern aristocracy that raids the poor and uses the blacks as slaves. Charley (Williamson), something of a folk hero after the events of LEGEND, partners with sidekick Toby (D’Urville Martin), Mexican bandit Sandoval (Pedro Armendariz Jr.), Herculean archer Ode (George Allen), beautiful but broken Elena (Denise Nicholas, on summer vacation from ROOM 222), and a ragtag bunch of former slaves to hijack $100,000 of Blanchard’s gold and free his captives.

For a first-time director, Spangler and his cinematographer Richard Glouner (an Emmy winner for COLUMBO) do a nice job stretching Paramount’s low budget to feature a decent look and plenty of bloody action. It’s still rough around the edges in terms of script and editing, but Williamson’s unique style of heroics and the frequent violence make SOUL something of a crowdpleaser. Charley brings out the best in Fred, since he’s a more vulnerable and more human character than the actor played in his later films. Lou Rawls performs two songs, and Don Costa composed and conducted the fine score.

Let's Go Bag Ourselves A Dingwhopper

FORBIDDEN WORLD began in a very typical “Roger Corman” manner. Corman’s New World Pictures had just completed filming on a spaceship set built for GALAXY OF TERROR. It was due to be dismantled over the coming weekend, but Corman asked editor Allan Holzman, who had directed second unit on SMOKEY BITES THE DUST and shot new action and nude scenes for FIRECRACKER, if he could write a scene in three days and shoot it on Saturday. Using actor Jesse Vint (MACON COUNTY LINE), a robot costume, and some stock footage from BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, Holzman directed and cut together an outer space dogfight. A few months later, using a screenplay by Tim Curnen based loosely on a story by New World marketing whiz Jim Wynorski, Holzman went to work on FORBIDDEN WORLD, using the space battle as the film’s exciting pre-credit sequence.

After the success of GALAXY OF TERROR, Corman wanted yet another ALIEN ripoff, and this one is even sleazier and more entertaining. Space cowboy Mike Colby (Vint) is sent to the planet Xerbia where some scientists are trying to create artificial foodstuffs. Thankfully for exploitation fans, two of them are nubile young ladies (played by future V star June Chadwick and teenaged Dawn Dunlap) who are eager to strip totally nude for love scenes with Vint and a memorable shower scene together.

Somehow, the scientists manage to create a (literally) bloodthirsty creature consisting of both human and alien DNA, which proceeds to bump off the tiny cast one at a time, usually by eating them with its sharp teeth. The sets and special effects were obviously created on a very low budget—the hallway walls are clearly made out of Styrofoam McDonald’s containers and cardboard egg cartons—but they’re also imaginative and effectively gruesome. Holzman and Curnen aren’t afraid to be outrageous; blood splashes freely, and the kill scenes are memorable. They also concocted a genuinely clever way to destroy the monster, which I don’t think I’ve seen before or since.

Released overseas under its working title of MUTANT, FORBIDDEN WORLD clocks in at a brisk and bloody 77 minutes, and is a blast all the way through. For decades, home video viewers could only see it in murky, dark pan-and-scan prints, but Shout Factory’s amazing DVD and Blu-ray release is outstanding. Not only does FORBIDDEN WORLD look great—at least, as great as a cheap ‘80s Corman movie could look—but it has received the deluxe treatment from Shout Factory, including a documentary, interviews, original art, and the theatrical trailer.

But the real find is Holzman’s original director’s cut. A skittish Corman had demanded the film’s intentional humor be cut (not that there wasn’t plenty left for audiences to laugh at in 1982), so the new version, which runs only about six minutes longer, contains wry jokes and little character moments that give the movie a little extra appeal. Unfortunately, the director’s cut exists only in a muddy but watchable full-frame version, but Holzman is present with a commentary to put his never-before-seen film in perspective. FORBIDDEN WORLD (seen in the director’s cut as MUTANT) may be a little better in Holzman’s version, but it’s undoubtedly Corman’s punchier preferred version you’ll revisit.

Galaxy Of Terror

Roger Corman produced this notorious science fiction movie, which is mostly remembered for a sleazy scene in which a female astronaut is raped and killed by a slimy two-ton space maggot.

Despite a budget somewhere around $1 million, GALAXY OF TERROR manages to look much more expensive, thanks mostly, I suspect, to the skills of production designer James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron), who also worked on the visual effects and directed the second unit. The screenplay by Marc Siegler and director Bruce D. Clark is surprisingly ambitious for a New World drive-in movie, though also derivative of FORBIDDEN PLANET and especially ALIEN.

Astronauts are sent on the spaceship Quest to a fog-bound planet to investigate the disappearance of a previous expedition. The crew includes hot-headed second-in-command Baelon (Zalman King), psychic Alluma (Erin Moran, the fresh-faced HAPPY DAYS teen whose appearance here surely raised a few eyebrows), square-jawed hero Cabrin (Edward Albert) and grizzled old cook (!) Kore (Ray Walston). I’m not sure why these space soldiers need a cook, but there you are.

Not long after landing, the crew discovers a very large pyramid where they are killed systematically in creatively gory ways. Jason Voorhees has nothing on the mysterious force inside the pyramid. One astronaut chops off his own arm (which then stabs him to death), another is immolated, another strangled so tightly by grisly tentacles that her head explodes. Clark and Siegler have structured GALAXY OF TERROR almost like a slasher film—a death occurs about every seven or eight minutes—and the New World effects artists did their creative best to make the kill scenes effective and original.

So much happens in the film’s 81 minutes and the production so attractive that the script’s lack of logic and taste goes forgotten. Clark was not an experienced director—his previous film, HAMMER, was made nine years earlier—but his work on GALAXY OF TERROR is assured. Cameron perhaps has not received as much acclaim for this film as he deserves, since he was apparently responsible for directing many of the scenes involving on-set effects (Cameron’s next project was PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING, which marked his directorial debut). Almost every SF film at the time was stealing from either STAR WARS or ALIEN, and GALAXY OF TERROR’s Gigeresque look leaves no doubt where Corman’s inspiration lies.

A headier brand of low-budget science fiction than New World usually provided (like BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, for instance), GALAXY OF TERROR is earnestly played by its talented cast, and Taaffe O’Connell deserves a Good Sport award for her role in one of the genre’s most notorious moments, allowing special effects guys to rip off her costume and smear goop over her naked body while a foam worm wallowed on top of her.

Corman first released it as MINDWARP: AN INFINITY OF TERROR and PLANET OF HORRORS before it finally became a hit as GALAXY OF TERROR in the fall of 1981. It’s an excellent example of Corman’s skill as a discoverer of talent; in addition to Cameron, other future directors who worked on the picture include producer Mary Ann Fisher (LORDS OF THE DEEP), production manager Aaron Lipstadt (ANDROID), FX supervisor Tony Randel (HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II), assistant director Peter Manoogian (ELIMINATORS), graphic designer Ernest Farino (STEEL AND LACE), and even Bill Paxton (FRAILTY), who was a carpenter on the set.

Although his performance is fine, GALAXY OF TERROR may have been the last straw for Zalman King, who gave up acting to become a fulltime producer (9 ½ WEEKS) and director. Moran, meanwhile, went on to JOANIE LOVES CHACHI a year later. After a healthy box office run, GALAXY OF TERROR appeared on a long-out-of-print VHS by Embassy Home Entertainment, but found a new life nearly three decades later when it appeared on a Special Edition DVD and Blu-ray by Shout Factory.

One could argue Shout Factory gave GALAXY OF TERROR way more love than it deserves (I wouldn't!), but you can't argue with the results. This is a terrific disc, jam-packed with entertaining, informative extras, including an audio commentary, a one-hour-plus documentary, and dozens of behind-the-scenes photos and advertising art. Plus, Shout Factory has provided reversible cover art, so you can turn the insert around and display the disc on your shelf as MINDWARP if you want.

Perkins Bombs Out

Perkins Bombs Out
March 10, 1980
Music: John Andrew Tartaglia
Story: David Chase and Bruce Shelly & David Ketchum
Teleplay: Mark Fink & Stephen Miller
Director: Jack Arnold

The screenwriting credits may be the most interesting aspect of “Perkins Bombs Out.” Yep, that really is the creator of THE SOPRANOS, David Chase, who contributed story ideas to the episode. Chase, who had penned scripts for MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO executive producer Glen A. Larson on SWITCH, was just coming off a three-season run as a producer on THE ROCKFORD FILES. How Chase came to work this one last time for Larson is easy to explain and a typical example of Universal’s attitude towards scripts.

In 1975, Chase polished a story and teleplay by Bruce Shelly and David Ketchum called “The Walking Dead” for the Universal series SWITCH, which starred Robert Wagner and Eddie Albert as private detectives. In the episode, crooks strap a bomb to Wagner’s character, Pete Ryan, and force him to rob a bank.

Four years after “The Walking Dead” aired, SHERIFF LOBO used the same Chase/Shelly/Ketchum script, but tasked staff writers Mark Fink and Stephen Miller to give it a polish, which probably amounted to little more than changing the names of the characters and adding some slapstick. While 1980 viewers who remembered the SWITCH episode probably felt ripped off, at least the original writers received proper credit and, presumably, remuneration.

This time, hoods Jack (Christopher Stone), Tony (Michael Mancini), and Ann (Robin Eisenman) snatch Sheriff Lobo (Claude Akins) and strap a bomb to his chest. It’s a few hours before the timelock at the bank opens, so Lobo and Birdie (Brian Kerwin) concoct a ruse to fool the crooks into believing the sheriff has a heart condition and could drop dead from the stress. The plan backfires, however, when the bombers remove the device from Lobo and attach it to bumbling deputy Perkins (Mills Watson) instead.

In “The Walking Dead,” the bank manager who originally wore the bomb had a heart attack, which caused the bombers to transfer it to Ryan. Fink and Miller’s rewrite wisely makes better use of the leading characters, and getting Perkins involved leads to comic moments undoubtedly missing from SWITCH. Howard Morton as an officious bank manager delivers a funny scene by following Perkins’ confused directions resulting from radio transmitter interference. Director Jack Arnold, who made a name in the 1950s with Universal science fiction movies like TARANTULA and IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE, did very little television after this, though he did return for another LOBO later in the first season.

On DVD and Blu-ray Today

Finally making their digital home video debuts: GALAXY OF TERROR (1981) and FORBIDDEN WORLD (1982) from producer Roger Corman's New World Pictures.

Below are their original theatrical trailers. GALAXY OF TERROR was first released as MINDWARP, while FORBIDDEN WORLD was released in Germany and elsewhere outside the U.S. as MUTANT. Both trailers are NSFW.





Needless to say, since I've been waiting to see good prints of these films for years, nothing can stop me from watching these Blu-rays tomorrow night. Both were released on VHS in very murky full-frame prints, and because both are dark pictures in terms of their cinematography, they were quite difficult to watch at times.

Random TV Title: Flying High

Hey, Hollywood, if you wanna remake old TV shows, why bother with stuff people actually enjoyed like KNIGHT RIDER and HAWAII FIVE-0, when there are plenty of series like this just aching for a 21st-century reinvention?

Actually, it would be difficult to remake FLYING HIGH, because it was about the adventures of three sexy stewardesses, and when is the last time you saw three hot women working the same flight?

Only thirteen episodes plus a two-hour pilot were aired of FLYING HIGH, which premiered in the fall of 1978. Connie Sellecca, later to star in THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO and HOTEL, co-starred with Kathryn Witt (later in STAR 80 and LOOKER) and Pat Klous, who went on to replace Lauren Tewes on THE LOVE BOAT. You wouldn't think that stewardesses could get into much trouble, but our heroines clashed with drug smugglers, mad gunmen, old flames, new beaus, and even Wayne Newton before CBS canceled the series.

Here's the show's main titles, taken from the episode "Swan Song for an Ugly Duckling," aired December 22, 1978. See if you recognize that week's guest stars:



The FLYING HIGH theme was composed by David Shire, best known for THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE.

When A Stranger Calls

If Fred Walton’s feature debut had ended after twenty minutes, 1979's WHEN A STRANGER CALLS would be known as one of the greatest suspense thrillers of all time. And, in fact, it actually began as a short film called THE SITTER, which was so highly acclaimed that Columbia Pictures asked Walton to expand it to feature-length. Unfortunately, the premise that worked so great at twenty minutes was too thin to stretch to 97, leaving WHEN A STRANGER CALLS a thoroughly routine cop-versus-killer drama bookended by a truly chilling opening and closing.

Of course, the main gimmick of WHEN A STRANGER CALLS has been ripped off, parodied, and remade so many times that one may be tempted to take it for granted, and it’s to Walton’s credit that it still packs a punch, even though at this point we know what’s coming. Carol Kane (TAXI) plays Jill, a teenage babysitter who receives mysterious telephone calls from a psychopath begging her to go upstairs and “check the children.”

After this virtuoso opening—and this is a good place to mention Dana Kaproff’s masterful scoring—that ends with the capture of a dangerous serial killer, Walton and co-writer Steve Feke (MAC AND ME) jump ahead seven years to the escape of the murderer (Tony Beckley) and the obsessive detective (top-billed Charles Durning) who arrested him the first time. Walton’s climax is almost as good as his opening, reuniting the sadistic killer with an adult Jill, now a wife and mother.

The first and third acts are strong enough to make up for the somewhat flabby middle portion, which shows Durning pounding the streets interviewing witnesses and Beckley trying to befriend a middle-aged barfly (Colleen Dewhurst). The acting is strong throughout. Walton couldn’t have been influenced by HALLOWEEN, which wasn’t out yet when he shot WHEN A STRANGER CALLS in 1978, but the scare scenes are somewhat reminiscent of John Carpenter’s work. The R rating must have been earned for its general suspense, because Walton delivers a top-notch thriller with little blood.

Walton’s career never lived up to the expectations resulting from his first hit. He even got back together with Durning and Kane for a made-for-cable sequel in 1993. Ron O’Neal (SUPERFLY), Carmen Argenziano, Michael Champion, Rachel Roberts, Rutanya Alda, and Wally Taylor also appear with William Boyett (ADAM-12), the archetypal screen flatfoot, fine in a voice-only role as the cop who talks to Jill over the phone (and gets the film’s most famous line).

The difference in quality between Fred Walton’s original WHEN A STRANGER CALLS and Simon West’s 2006 remake is evident just from watching the opening minutes of both. While Walton sets an ominous tone with an extended shot of babysitter Carol Kane walking alone down a dark suburban street behind Dana Kaproff’s masterful, menacing score, West opens with a jar full of clichés poured all over the celluloid: jumpy edits, clumsy symbolism (yes, the death of a child is marked with both a runaway balloon—colored red, of course—and a slow-motion merry-go-round), an itchy soundtrack of crackles and hollow booms meant to be music. In three minutes, West delivers his first kill (off-screen), just so we don’t get too bored too early.

Babysitter Jill (Camilla Belle) is no longer a normal teen doing her homework, as was Kane, but a brooding hottie with a superfluous backstory involving a cheating boyfriend (Peter Geraghty) and a bitchy best friend—named Tiffany, natch (and played by perennial bitch Katie Cassidy from SUPERNATURAL and MELROSE PLACE). And instead of a modest this-could-happen-to-you-or-me home in the ‘burbs, West sets the remake in a creepy lakeside mansion way out in the boonies—where better to dilute the terror. It isn’t adequately explained why the parents need a babysitter in the first place, since they have a live-in maid on the premises, which is great for artificially upping the body count, but not when it’s to your advantage to isolate your antagonist against a mysterious predator.

It takes 49 minutes for Lance Henriksen, playing the scary voice on the phone, to ask Jill, “Have you checked the children?,” by which time you’ve long lost interest. I’ll agree it was probably a wise decision by screenwriter Jake Wade Wall (who also penned the HITCHER remake) to ditch the flabby midsection of Walton’s original, but the basic premise of a babysitter being menaced by a stalker inside the house proves to be too weak to sustain for ninety minutes, and Wall and West are unable to substitute anything besides thunder, lightning, and leaping cats to create a mood.

It does manage to squeeze Belle into a wet tank top, so it’s got that going for it.

That same year, 2006, The Asylum jumped on the “terrorized babysitter” bandwagon with a shameless ripoff of WHEN A STRANGER CALLS that hit DVD at the same time Screen Gems’ STRANGER remake made it to theaters. It would be hard to make a worse film than Simon West’s remake, but director Peter Mervis, whose starstudded career also includes SNAKES ON A TRAIN and THE DAVINCI TREASURE, has done it.

WHEN A KILLER CALLS is even wretched by The Asylum’s standards. The digital photography is washed out and grainy, and the production so shoddy that several botched line readings are left in the final print. Trisha (Rebekah Kochan) is the teen babysitter plagued by a mysterious caller who also sends threatening photos and text messages to her cell phone. To boost the body count, Trisha’s boyfriend Matt (Buckley) stops by with his jerk friends Frank (Derek Osedach) and Christy (Sarah Hall).

Mervis is inept at creating suspense. He shows us the killer prowling around the yard early in the picture, and the various stalk-and-slash sequences are shot without imagination. Unfortunately, KILLER has more in common with the trendy “torture porn” features of the era than with WHEN A STRANGER CALLS. The killer manages to capture the teens fairly easily and then spend the rest of the picture tormenting them in unpleasant style. While Kochan is a somewhat appealing leading lady (the other actors are horrid), there’s nothing to recommend about WHEN A KILLER CALLS, which is not uncommon for a film by The Asylum.

The Man Of Your Dreams Is Back

When Wes Craven’s A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET became New Line Cinema’s top-grossing film of all time, hell, yeah, you better believe Freddy Krueger would return. Just twelve months after the original hit multiplexes, the man in the felt slouch hat was back for revenge in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, PART 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE, written by New Line staffer David Chaskin (THE CURSE) and helmed by Jack Sholder, a former New Line trailer editor who made his directorial debut with the studio’s first horror picture, the successful ALONE IN THE DARK.

Sholder was a good choice; he delivers some striking images, such as the school bus balanced atop a giant canyon spire, and effective scare scenes. The problem is Chaskin’s screenplay, which not only makes little sense within the context of this movie’s universe, but also violates strict rules already established by Craven the year before. Also, the not-so-subtle homosexual context is ridiculously hilarious more than two decades later. While Chaskin has said he intended the content to be homophobic, to feed upon the fears of the young men in NIGHTMARE’s target audience, it’s so broadly played by Sholder, who claims he never noticed any gay subtext, that the film is more campy than frightening.

Five years after the first NIGHTMARE, a new family, the Walshes, have moved into the Thompsons’ old house on Elm Street, where teen son Jesse (Mark Patton) finds Nancy’s diary. Her writings about a creepy monster named Fred who comes to her in the night remind Jesse of his nightmares, which always culminate in him screaming and awakening in a clammy sweat.

Of course, Freddy (Robert Englund) is back, but the problem with PART 2 is that he can now move about in the real world to cause havoc. Perhaps Chaskin and Sholder thought it would be scarier to let Freddy freely interact with the characters in their reality, but of course what it really does is take away what was so special about him. It also leads to some awful dumb scares like a possessed parakeet that attacks the Walshes, a flaming toaster, and a gay gym teacher (Marshall Bell) who is strung up naked in the locker room and whipped with wet towels.

Most of the neighborhood kids think Jesse is weird, but he comes to befriend jock Grady (Robert Rusler) and romance rich girl Lisa (Meryl Streep lookalike Kim Myers). He also discovers—and this is another off-target decision of Chaskin’s—that Freddy is possessing him, even when he’s awake, and forcing him to murder. Why Freddy, who seems to take great joy in tormenting and killing others, would push Jesse to do it for him is beyond me.

Because Sholder, Englund, and the special effects are so good, PART 2 isn’t a total nightmare. But when its big setpiece is Freddy Krueger running around a pool party tossing teens into the water, it’s fair to say it in no way approaches the heightened scares of Craven’s original. Also with Hope Lange (THE GHOST AND MRS. MUIR) and Clu Gulager (with unnaturally darkened hair and eyebrows to de-age him) and Jesse’s parents, Melinda Fee, Sydney Walsh (HOOPERMAN), young Christie Clarke (who grew up to join DAYS OF OUR LIVES), Lyman Ward, Steve Eastin, and Brian Wimmer. Music by Christopher Young. Kevin Yagher and Mark Shostrom handled the makeup effects. Sholder went on to direct the excellent THE HIDDEN.

Boxoffice: August 1973

Undress You And Possess You

For maximum pleasure, catch Fred Olen Ray's EVIL TOONS on a double bill with Jim Wynorski’s HARD TO DIE. Both have the same plot, plenty of bare breasts, and dressed-down but top-heavy Monique Gabrielle. Its mixture of live-action and animation surprisingly anticipates COOL WORLD and STAY TUNED, though don’t expect richly detailed animation or even more than a couple of minutes of it. I don’t know if any filmmaker does this kind of sexy tongue-in-cheek horror better than Ray, who not only has an eye for cheap entertainment, but also the taste and resources to hire name actors like David Carradine that add a little class to what is really just a dumb movie about four hot chicks in lingerie fighting a demonic cartoon.

Four sexy coeds—Megan (Monique Gabrielle), Roxanne (Madison Stone), Jan (Barbara Dare), and Terry (Suzanne Ager)—are hired by crusty Burt (Dick Miller!) to spend the weekend cleaning a creepy old haunted house. To criticize the girls for their porno-movie acting is beside the point, considering two of them (Stone and Dare) really were porn stars and a third (Gabrielle) would become one.

Their first night, after working up a sweat moving empty cardboard boxes in the cellar, the ghost of Gideon Fisk (Carradine), who hanged himself before the credits, appears at the front door and drops off an old book that looks like the Necronomicon from THE EVIL DEAD. It produces a (poorly) animated wolf that kills one of the girls and then takes her place and wrecks havoc. Every twenty minutes, Ray splices in a random closeup of Carradine to make you think he’s a bigger part of the movie.

If the actresses were more charming, EVIL TOONS would be a lot better movie. Ray, who was also the screenwriter, tries to inject some Bowery Boys-type humor into the haunted house chestnut, but the girls just aren’t talented comediennes. To be fair, they were cast for their willingness to take their tops off, but I suspect Ray’s haste to pull the production together (one of his more endearing and sometimes frustrating traits) prevented him from casting more carefully.

Shot in eight days on basically two locations (plus an hour in Ray’s living room), EVIL TOONS is disposable late-night entertainment, more slowly paced than it should be, but with a sense of humor and fun that seems quaint by today’s standards. With Dick Miller watching himself in A BUCKET OF BLOOD on TV, Michelle Bauer as his sexy topless wife, and the voice of Robert Quarry (THE DEATHMASTER).

Horror In The Skies

I had never even heard of this 1963 science fiction novel by J. Hunter Holly until its amazing cover popped up as the March illustration on a wall calendar I have hanging in my work cubicle. I loved the evocative art so much that I had to track down THE FLYING EYES, if only to find out whether what's depicted actually occurs in the book. Surprisingly, it does.

Holly was Joan Holly, who probably used the pseudonym to disguise her gender from readers and/or publishers, who may not have been interested in pulp fiction written by a woman. Holly, whose real name was Joan Carol Holly, wrote a handful of novels and short stories during the 1960s and 1970s, including a MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. novelization. She died in 1982.

THE FLYING EYES is set in a college town that is attacked by an army of--well, like the title says--flying eyes that come out of the sky and hypnotize the townspeople, a few at a time. Those who succumb are marched into the woods and down into a deep black pit for who knows what insidious purpose.

The hero is a scientist, Lincoln Hosler, who lives with his colleague and only friend, Wes. Linc has little use for friends or even other people for that matter, though he does have a crush on his and Wes' friend Kelly.

Linc and Wes, in their quest to discovering the power of the eyes (which grow as large as ten feet in diameter and float around the town), manage to capture one, cage it, and take it to their lab, where they train themselves to resist its hypnotic pull. Eventually, Linc manages to disguise himself as a victim and venture into the pit, where he discovers the eyes belong to large, slimy, blobby aliens that have come to Earth in order to invade it, wipe out mankind, and live here.

THE FLYING EYES is junky sci-fi for sure, but not unambitious. It runs less than 140 pages, but still manages to give Linc a true dramatic arc. His characterization is not complex, but it is there.

The book's biggest draw is its premise, which had me eager to discover what the hell was up with those eyes and who they belonged to. THE FLYING EYES isn't deep literature, but a quick entertainment read.

Psycho II

Twenty-three years after Hitchcock shocked audiences with PSYCHO, Universal brought Anthony Perkins back to the backlot for what had to have been considered the least likely sequel of all time up to that date. Many purists were offended when they heard the news, but in the hands of Hitchcock protégé Richard Franklin (ROADGAMES), PSYCHO II turned out to be not only a better film than expected, but a box office smash for Universal in the summer of 1983.

Norman Bates is released from a mental institution and returns home to the Bates Motel. At his new job as a short-order cook at a greasy spoon down the road, he befriends fragile waitress Mary (Meg Tilly) and invites her to spend the night at his house. Perkins is wonderful to watch as Norman, every damn twitch. I think he’s playing the role as comedy, but not camp, and it’s hard not to root for the poor nutbar Norman, who really does want to get his shit together and function normally in society.

Norman believes he’s been cured. So does his shrink (Robert Loggia). But some people, including motel manager Toomey (Dennis Franz as Dennis Franz) and Lila Loomis (Vera Miles), the sister of Marion Crane (played by Janet Leigh in PSYCHO), insist on giving him a hard time. Soon, more knife murders occur, and the suspicious sheriff (Hugh Gillin) comes snooping around. Norman thinks he’s innocent, but how can he be sure?

PSYCHO II is a terrific sequel. It’s a logical progression of events from the first movie about a character we’re generally interested in. It calls back to scenes from PSYCHO, but you don’t have to have seen it to enjoy this one. Franklin really was something of a master of suspense, and he—with welcome assistance from composer Jerry Goldsmith—created a nifty old-fashioned thriller with gory touches to fit into the slasher-happy ‘80s. Perkins is fantastic, and Dean Cundey’s experience as director of photography on HALLOWEEN made him a perfect fit for PSYCHO II. Although the film is lit flatly in places, it makes sense for it to as a continuation of a low-budget picture shot in 1959.

Original PSYCHO author Robert Bloch wrote a novel called PSYCHO II, but Tom Holland (FRIGHT NIGHT) wrote an original screenplay for the film, one with clever twists and turns that lets us play along with Norman, who doesn’t know anymore about what’s happening that we do. And of course Holland included a shower scene. It just wouldn’t be PSYCHO without one.